Wednesday Whine, Take Two: Wishing on Stars, Blue or Otherwise

I had a perfectly wonderful Whine completed and ready to go, but got distracted with biking to my mom’s care facility, spending an unusually wonderful day with her, and then badly needing a nap. Before sitting down to hit “publish” I paused to read a bit – which I really shouldn’t have been doing, as I *finally* have some time to work on my solo stuff, and need to get to it.

Regardless, I paused to treat myself and read.

Being poor, I tend to jump on free reads like a mole on a grub, which is why I got Wishing on a Blue Star. It only had a couple of my regular “must reads”, and I tend to shy away from anthologies – especially ones with this many authors – because the stories tend to be too short and simple for my taste. Bring on the angst, baby.

But I had it, so I decided to start reading.

Wishing on a Blue Star is the journey of author Patric Michael into the abyss that is Cancer. With a Capital C. His blog entries took me back, good God eighteen years – wtf? – to my niece’s battle with the Monster. His *resolve* reminds me of hers. The love his friends have for him, which fairly beams from each story, essay, poem, image humbles me. I could only wish my friends, whom I love deeply, care that much about me.

One of the early-ish blog entries has to do with resolve. The resolve to persevere –  in the face of adversity, in the face of unpleasantness, in the face of *whatever* – because it is the only option if you intend to keep living. That struck a chord with me. I thought of the last year at work. I remembered how insurmountable my circumstances seemed. And they were. Absolutely. And I wonder how I’ll make it through the next, because things don’t look to change, except that I might lose one of my best work buddies and at least now I’m as prepared as I can be.

And I wonder how he does it. How do you keep your resolve when you *know* things are bad and most probably getting worse? I’m not talking about keeping a positive outlook – I think sometimes that’s too much to ask, even of the most positive person (which I’ve never been accused of being). How do you wake up every day and put on your big girl panties (or big boy boxers, or fabulous peep-toed pumps) and soldier on?

Now, this all sounds like I’m in a dark place, which I’m not (for a change). And it strikes me as insensitive to compare my situation with Patric’s – though I suspect he’d understand where I’m coming from. My question is personal, but it’s also Universal. Yeah. With a Capital U.

We all face… stuff. We all face our personal abyss. So how do those brave souls who decide to be resolved and then *do so* … do so?

If, like me, you haven’t read Wishing on a Blue Star, do. Whether m/m is your flavor of choice. Whether you’re a fan of the authors included (which, I most decidedly am – I’ve read authors I’d never sampled before and been lured). Whether, like me, you’re an “anthology snob”. Read it. The pure love shining through, the often painful honesty, will touch you.

I said this wasn’t my planned blog post – that one dealt with fear. I see now that they’re closely related. Patric Michael chose not to be consumed by fear. He chose resolve. And he chose love. And love is the opposite of fear.

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